I keep replaying the day I watched my son die. I didn't know he was leaving this world, but I knew something was wrong.
Jason, you complained of a headache. I thought you were just sick that day...then the pain intesified and you threw up.
I was about to leave you at home while I took the other kids to school, but I didn't. I couldn't. I knew something wasn't right. When you started talking about falling and when you told me it was blue, I knew that you needed help. I thought you had gotten bit by something poisonous that was making you act crazy. You laid down and closed your eyes and that was the last time we talked to you or saw your green eyes...When I called 911, you were snoring. You seemed to be in a very deep sleep. It took forever for the paramedics to get here. Your breathing became more shallow and the snoring slowly stopped. I put my hand up to your nose to see if you were still breathing. Your color started to drain from your face. I was about to call 911 again because they still weren't here and I knew something very bad was happening. I didn't know you were leaving this world. I still thought you were poisoned by a spider or something. When they got here, there was so much commotion. I just didn't know how bad it was until I heard them say they were taking you by air....
Our world forever changed that day, son. Watching you die is the hardest thing I have ever done. I didn't know you were leaving this world or I would have held you tighter. I would have spent more time with you the night before. We would have gone on that bike ride that you wanted to. I miss you so much, Jason.
My world is not the same and it never will be. This is my new life. I am a mother of a child who died. I watched you come into this world and held you as you first emerged. I watched you leave this world and held you as you left. I want to see you again. You left too soon. What is your mission, son? You must be doing something more important that this life allowed you to do. I know we will be together again, one day, and oh, what a great day that will be! I miss you....
